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You Have To Stop This – Pseudonymous Bosch (Strikes Again)

I know I haven’t been too responsible with this blog for quite some time.

But this prompted me to climb out of the hole I was buried under (there was a huge rock blocking the entrance/exit, it took me sometime to dig out of it) :

How the hell did this happen?! It’s exactly 21 days since the book came out and I just ACCIDENTALLY discovered this? Where was the media coverage on this? I haven’t even finished investigating  THIS ISN’T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE  and now this comes out?!

If there’s someone who needs to be stopped it should be PB himself!

Mr. Bosch, YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS.

You are causing too much distraction to everybody (not the just kids), with your amusing, demented, and well-plotted dramystery/mysteryma (whatever) of a girl who could not be named Cassandra in the first place.

I’ll be watching you!

http://thenameofthiswebsiteissecret.com/home

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This Book Is Not Good For You

This is the third installment of the the Secret Series.  I had to skip reviewing the 2nd book (If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late) because it WAS indeed too late for me  (… I had to sign THE CONTRACT, the gall of Mr. Bosch!).  After THAT experience, I developed a skill counting backwards.

Anyway, we follow the pursuits of Cass and Max-Ernest.  This time trouble came a-knocking on Cass’s life when her mom gets kidnapped by Senor Hugo, a chocolatier in league with the Midnight Sun.  In exchange for Cass’s mom, Senor Hugo wants a magical instrument called the Tuning Fork.  Joined by Max-Ernest and their new friend, Yo-Yoji,  Cass plans a daring rescue. Will she be able to collect her mother from the vile hands of Ms. Mauvais and Dr. L?  Read on and find out if that bite of dark chocolatey gooey-ness is worth it.

The book promises to crash diets everywhere.  True enough, my chocolate consumption increased by 30% due to the chocolate recipes found in the appendix of this demonic piece of literature. As expected it was better than the 1st and the 2nd book. Probably because we already know who the characters are (thus diminishing the need for pages of introduction) and the author was able to move the story forward (backward if you’re basing on the 2nd book).  I love that the so-named “Cass” (HE said he’s not giving REAL data, so Cass is 100% not her name) is growing up before my eyes and discovering who she is through her past and through her family and her friends. “Max-Ernest” goes through advanced puberty thanks to “Yo-Yoji,” and probably had  fun being Sanse for awhile (See book 2 to know about Yo-Yoji and start at page 316 of book 3 to understand what I’m talking about). The villains roster also got interesting with the participation of the “Senor Hugo,”  a chef who specializes in the devilry of chocolate cuisine (just shows what kind of religion Mr. Bosch practices).   Notable performances in the book:

“Ms. Mauvais” for her performance as a NUN.

“The Skelton Sisters” for being who they are.

“Yo-Yoji” for turning Japanese.

And “Owen,” for having multi-personality disorder.

Though this book is not good for most of us, it can be quite handy as a travelling tool (Translation of “HELLO” in 100 different languages – friendly!).  But still be warned, do not read after midnight. Recipes will cause excessive binging and craving. Nigella Lawson would be jealous (or maybe not).

PS: For those trying to find out who Mr. Bosch is – you’re in the wrong place. I don’t know him either. I suggest you go attend a chocolate convention or bait him with a dark chocolate sale  (70% discount – That’ll get him out of hiding.)  I read somewhere though that Lemony Snickett and Pseudonymous Bosch can be brothers or is the same person. They share the same publisher, you can start there. Pretend to be someone from the IRS. They might start talking, hehehe.

 

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The Name of This Book is SECRET

The Name Of This Book Is Secret

Where should I start?

First, the author does not want to tell everybody who he is. Why? Because it’s a secret! You should’ve got it just by looking at his name – no mother on earth will name her child “Pseudonymous.”

Second, he says he shouldn’t be writing this book in the first place. According to Mr. Bosch, the details are so secret, he can’t tell you the real names or the real places or even the real time of events. Now, if you ask me that’s bad story-telling.  Lucky (?) for us,  he can’t help himself and he goes on writing the book anyway (It’s published. I’m sure – I’m holding the book right now!) For his reader’s persistence  (like he can stop me from flipping the page, duh),  the best he can do under such circumstances is to give aliases to his characters – Cassandra and Max-Ernest.  Why those names? No idea. It’s like naming your dogs, perhaps? Just happens.

Anyway, the whole shindig is about the adventures of Cassandra and Max-Ernest.  It starts when they discover The Symphony of Smells, a box filled with colorful vials that each contain a distinct scent.  Being kids and nosy ones at the least, they stumble upon the diary of a dead magician, who happens to be the owner of  those smelly vials. Just like the Scooby Doo kids, they get themselves into trouble – getting pursued by villains who call themselves the Midnight Sun (makes me wonder how do villains come up with names?) and other stuff that’s usually dangerous for meddling children. There is some kind of unravelling in the end that I can’t really say. (I don’t want to sound like Mr. Pseudonymous, but it’s for your own good.) What I can tell you though is that somebody got grounded by their mom(That’s actually the moral of the story – don’t go solving mysteries without your parent’s permission).

You ask yourself what’s the secret then? Well, it’s …. SECRET. Sorry, even I have to agree with Mr. Pseudonymous on this one. You have to read his book and maybe burn it afterwards (like secret spies). Or if you find that wasteful, you might as well keep it somewhere secret, somewhere safe (like what Gandalf told to Frodo – go watch Lord of the Rings if you don’t know who I’m talking about.).

With all the anonymity and secrecy that ‘s going on, I’m happy to tell you though that this is the 1st book of The Secret Series (Yes, there are sequels. Authors have to make a living,  Pseudonymous Bosch is not an exemption). However, if you’re like pinching lunch money (or in my case,  salary – sounds so adult!) it doesn’t hurt that we have to pay for such SECRET story. (Information is supreme, remember that!) No matter how crazy his book writing is,  I have to give credit to Mr. Bosch because he is a wonderful entertainer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he joins the circus one day – he’ll be the best clown ever! But for now, let’s bribe him with more DARK chocolate so that he wouldn’t get any ideas. After all, he still has to finish what he had started!

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2009 in Pseudonymous Bosch, The Location is Secret

 

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